We always like to publish reader stories about survival swimming and lifesaving as they may help many others around the world. Furthermore, great fun are reports about silly rules from pool operators or "Elf and Safety" officers. Please send your story via our mailbox.

 Health and Safety bans Floats from Pools

British humour is the best, especially when it is unintentional. Pools in Bournemouth were told to stop lending inflatables to families who hadn't brought their own as they couldn't guarantee they'd be free of bacteria.

Parents slammed the move, which was designed to stop them contracting bugs from blowing up rubber rings and water wings.

One father said: "This is the nanny state gone mad. They would rather have children drown than have them catch someone's cold."

 Prudhoe Pool bans Floats for Health and Safety

7th November 2008
A swimming pool manager has stopped issuing water wings and floats, for health and safety reasons. The flotation aids are designed to keep children safe from drowning, but staff at Waterworld in Prudhoe have been told not to hand them out. Bosses at North Country Leisure, which runs the Northumberland pool, said inflatables and floats could pass on infections.

It then emerged Leisure Connection, which manages swimming pools in Ponteland and Castle Morpeth, operated a similar policy. But Hexham MP Peter Atkinson, whose constituency includes Waterworld, dismissed it as a ridiculous “directive from the Health and Safety commissars”.

A parent, who did not want to be named, said he was stunned when staff refused to hand over any swimming aids for his five-year-old son. The dad said he had never encountered a problem before when asking for a float, but was told health and safety rules meant he could not have one.

He said: “I believe swimming is an important skill and I’ve been taking him along to the pool every couple of weeks or so. There had never been a problem borrowing one of these things before so I was amazed when they refused me.

“I pointed out to the staff that surely it is more of a health and safety issue if the child sinks because he hasn’t got a float. I was just gobsmacked by this.”

Like children couldn't pass on bugs without floats. And if a few can be culled, then it is surely for the common good…

 Swimming Pool to close if it gets too wet

Thursday, 12th March 2009
An outdoor swimming pool, the London Fields Lido in Hackney, north London, has warned swimmers that the pool might have to be closed - if it gets 'too wet'.

The health and safety rules have apparently been introduced at the lido in Hackney for the protection of the pool's users.

Swimmers at the pool last weekend were warned that they might have to leave the water if the heavy rain increased, but they were allowed to stay when the weather lifted.

But the policy raised fears that health and safety guidelines were being taken too far.

Hackney Council said the rules were only enforced in extreme weather, when there was torrential rain, hail or thick fog which may stop the lifeguards from seeing people in the pool.

A spokeswoman said: "Very occasionally extreme weather can impair visibility for our lifeguards. We make no apology for providing protection for swimmers from drowning."

London Fields Lido, which is 50 metres long, was revamped in 2006 as part of a £2.5 million project and is the only heated pool in the capital.

Source: telegraph.co.uk

 Firefighters banned from using ladders

Firefighters have been told they cannot use their ladders to take down a festive bunting because it is too dangerous.

Ampthill in Bedfordshire held its annual Gala Day in July and to mark the occasion the historic market town was festooned with colourful bunting.

In previous years fire brigade officers have pitched in after the event to help remove the decorations.

But this year, nearly four months later and the bunting is still in place.

Former Mayor Cllr Mark Smith said: "The reason the festival bunting is still up arises from the fact that due to local health and safety advice the local fire brigade is unable to take the bunting down."

Disgruntled resident Charlie Garth said: "What the blazes. I'm sure our brave firemen aren't frightened about falling off a piddling little ladder. They have never looked afraid of heights to me.

"After all they are used to climbing giant turntable ladders with choppers in their hands and rescuing cats from the tops of tall trees."

Deputy chief fire officer Graeme Smith said: "Yes, it sounds like the world has gone mad. Firefighters will climb ladders to rescue people from burning buildings but not to remove bunting after a festival.

It isn't just that "it sounds like the world has gone mad" - it has. Don't they ever do training exercises of climbing ladders, couldn't they do that in the high street....

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Safety Managers: persons who write a 10,000 word document and call it a brief - Franz Kafka

You're probably sick and tired of reading about the latest bureaucratic turn of the screw but we were talking about getting authorisation and clearance for this and that.

Consider this theoretical scenario. Recently we were discussing a hypothetical question of what you would do if you were not certified in a critical situation, e.g. a Health and Safety issue.

Imagine you were at your local swimming baths and a regular swimmer sees a child in difficulty at the bottom of the pool. There are a handful of locals around but the pool attendant is up the stairs at this second. Pools are noisy and the attendant is out of range. The swimmer is not technically qualified (lifesaving certificate long out of date) but he realises that the action needs to be fast.

He gets the nearest person to go (walking, not running) and get the attendant, he calls out if anyone's a qualified lifesaver but no one's listening, of course. He jumps in and remembering his lifesaving drill when he was a kid, he manages to get her up to the surface, just as the pool attendant takes over.

He's prosecuted for assuming duties he's no longer qualified for and has to face up to the local magistrate.

Would you have dived in like that or would you have done it differently?

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Bureaucrats: Turning lifesavers into bystanders.